Why I Run

I began the first post without actually finishing it. I wanted to include a little blurb about why I run.

I mentioned off-handedly that I'm preparing for the Disney Princess Half-Marathon in 2015. I will also be doing the Marine Corps 10k in October in preparation for the half-marathon.

I am not an exercise junkie, nor a running junkie. I am not running to become a runner, although I am open to the possibility.

What I am is a mom of two, struggling to also be a woman, and someone I like. This takes place on lots of fronts -- spiritually, as well, but that's not the subject of this blog. Physically, I have had some issues with myself. I used to be a skinny, ballroom-dancing waif. All I needed to do to maintain my Spanish figure was eat right, which I liked to do anyway. I weighed 110lbs at my skinniest, and my wedding dress needed no altering (except for length). I could fit into almost anything, and I knew what types of clothes fit me and flattered me.

After two kids born within a year of each other, I found myself not only feeling so, so, so very tired all the time, and heavier than I seemed to be able to shake off with healthy eating. I was advised to go to the doctor by a family member and, even though I felt like a whiny idiot ("Doctor! I'm tired!" "Well, get more sleep, you doofus"), I did. My complaints warranted a blood test which found that my thyroid was wildly out of whack. Whereas normal levels of TSH are 0.5 to 5.5, I was told mine was in the hundreds -- I can't recall if it was 140 or like 400. All I remember is "hundreds" and there was a 4 in there somewhere.

I started medication. This helped somewhat. However, I was still having the post-babies wardrobe problem. Literally none of my clothes fit me anymore. None of them. Not only was this expensive as I had to replace more or less my entire wardrobe beyond basic post-partum wear to a year-round "new reality", but it was just awful psychologically. I hated who I saw in the mirror. All I could see was faaaaat fat fat fat. I wanted to change this, but when healthy eating wasn't working for me, not even with new thyroid medication, I would get depressed and would ... eat unhealthily. It made no sense, but it was still an emotional salve, which only made the problem worth.

One day I was on Facebook and I saw a friend of mine had posted about running a half-marathon. She is my age, has three kids, and has decided to take control of her life in this regard. I thought to myself that if she can, why can't I? Besides, if she were going to be crazy and do a half-marathon, I would do it with her. We would have each other's support, and no matter how stupid the idea might turn out to be, we'd be doing it together.

Then I started thinking ... running a half-marathon is INSANE. Who does that? I answered my own question -- healthy, active people do. Those annoying people who are running outside at all hours of the day. Those annoying stupid skinny people. But they're not just skinny, they're healthy. An obnoxious. But ... healthy. Hey, why can't I be one of those obnoxious people? I'm already obnoxious in like six other ways. More, I'm sure. But still. I could be that kind of person with that kind of discipline. I have a whole year to get my act together. Maybe I'll learn to like it on the way, and maybe I'll even get skinny.

MAYbe I'll even be one of those REALLY obnoxious people who run *whole* marathons! You know, they take "running vacations" -- traveling to a place to do something insane and torturous like running a marathon instead of doing what normal people do and relaxing by the beach. In fact, while I have no concrete plans to do so yet, perhaps in a couple years I can train for the marathon on Maui. How decadent would it be to relax on the beach drinking piña coladas *after* having run 26.2 miles? The vacation would be well-earned, in a concrete way. Not just "I'm doing what I have to do anyway, I will reward myself with a break!" but, "I am nuts enough to run for hours on end. Now let's drink."

To achieve my goals, I am doing the Couch25k program (soon to be followed by a 10k program and then a half-marathon program) via the 5k Runner app for iPhone. I am mindfully eating and being aware of what I eat and when, eating healthy foods, and tracking calories via the LiveStrong app and web-based program. I'm weighing myself daily, and even though I've lost a grand total of like 1 lb so far, it's satisfying to see the downward trend on the graph there. Importantly, while I'm not letting myself "cheat" on foods, I also won't let myself hate my eating habits. I will have my wine and cheese, but only a little bit, and not all the time. I WILL like this new regime, and will stick to it, even if I'm not a runner forever.

Then, when I can look in the mirror and like who I am, when I have healthy habits I can be proud to display my kids, and when I have this kind of concrete accomplishment to show for it, I will feel like a better woman, and thus a better mom to my kids and wife to my husband. And hopefully through this physical discipline and quasi-asceticism, I can also refine my spiritual life as well. I think when I'm the kind of person who can run half-marathons and marathons, I will be better.

St. Sebastian, patron saint of runners, pray for me!